Ghosts of Boyfriends Past

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I’ve mentioned in previous posts that I still have my profile up on a paid dating site. However, I have not actually been out on any dates in literally months.
I know what you’re thinking… why the hell not?

Well, I’ll tell you why not. I just haven’t come across anyone who I’ve really had complete interest in. Now don’t get me wrong, I have been asked plenty. Men still come a callin. That’s not the problem. I still got it. I think.

Problem is, I seem to have come to a place of having set some pretty high standards for any would be callers.
Potential dates. Future boyfriends. Possible husband. You get the picture.

For the past few months I have been going with the flow of these incredibly high standards I have created.  But now thinking it over, I have to tell ya, I am becoming slightly concerned with my own feelings regarding this whole new philosophy and my increasingly comfortable lack of interest or effort.

I mean, have I gone and set the potential mate/date standard bar so damn high that no one will ever realistically qualify? Have I just become so complacent and nonchalant about dating that I now prefer to sit back and let possible ‘awesome guys‘ slip through the intense high standard cracks I’ve built? (My mother seems to think so.)

Anyways, let me give you my answer to that.
Nope, I don’t think I have. Well, not completely anyways.
I tend to think that because I’ve had so much experience with dating trials and tribulations since my divorce, I have come to a place of just not wanting to deal with anymore bullshit. No more Mr. Wrongs of any sort. No more Mr. Maybe’s or Mr. What Ifs. Not even second chances and/or excuses for their short comings. No more wasting time. I can’t tell you how over all of that shit I am. Therefore, yes siree, my bar is set damn high now.

So now I have chosen to sit back and take the minimal effort approach of waiting until the absolute Mr Right (for me) strolls into town and makes himself known to me. Howdy cowboy.
In choosing this method I now have no choice but to do some rehashing of tales gone by.
Yes, by the lack of having any new dates to blog about I’m resorting to reminiscing and reliving all of my previous dating stories. But I’m opting to think of it as therapeutic journaling for myself (and for anyone else who is just trying to figure things out as well.)
I can’t be the only one out there trying to figure out this debacle of a dating world we’re living in. Can I?

Hellooo??? Anyone?

That’s where blogging comes in.
Basically, I’m going to share all (or many) of my past dating experiences since my divorce.
Perhaps, on paper (blog) I’ll be able to make some sense of these dating experiences which are now a complete jumbled up mess in my mind.
Possibly I’ll uncover any poor dating patterns I possess (fairly positive I may have just one or two) or I may discover I’m in need of some real deep therapeutic professional help. Let’s hope it’s not the latter.  Not that there’s anything wrong with professional therapy. I highly recommend it. I just know if it gets to that point, well, I could be there for so, so long. And for so many reasons.
I just don’t have the time for that.

So let me just start at the beginning. Well, (the after my separation/divorce…6 years ago beginning.)  My marriage and divorce stories will all be told in due time. I swear.

In an effort to get the history of guys/dates straight for you (and for me) I am going to write out a summary of sorts. Guest starring roles of men who have made more then one appearance in my life.
I have had plenty of ‘meet and greets’ in between my semi relationships/long term relationships that I won’t include on this list. I’ll save that for yet another list. That’s gonna be real fun!

Bare with me.

Okay, let’s start:

#1. The Hydro Guy (we’ll call him Enrique)

– 36 years old
– Total mutual chemistry, I mean total
– Met on a online dating site (at this point I’m still debating whether free or paid dating sites make any difference)
– Divorced father of 2 younger children, was married 10 years
– Really really good looking…I mean, really, good looking (albeit kinda short but whatever)

He eventually went running in the opposite direction after a couple of months of casual dating saying he knew he was the first guy I’ve dated after my divorce and knew he’d be my mandatory rebound guy. Although I disagreed then, he was probably right.
Such a pity. I really liked him.
Ironically a month ago his profile showed up on my ‘top matches’ of a dating site… hmmm, we’re both single again. How completely depressing.

#2. The Tradesman Guy (we’ll call him Mark)

– 38 years old
– Total mutual chemistry
– Met on a free online dating site
– Father of a young daughter, never married
– Light haired which I’m typically not into, but I found him oh so very nice
– Not sure he was completely over his baby’s mama yet

He was confusing in that he was totally into me, made it very obvious yet seemed hesitant to get too serious… I’m only guessing here, but it could have to do with the previous point.

#3. The Rock Star (we’ll call him Ross)

– 32yrs old
– Total mutual chemistry, like I think I’m in love at first look kind of chemistry
– Met on a free online dating site
– Father of a young daughter, never married

First night we met we closed down the coffee shop, sat outside on a park bench until the late hours of the summer night, said goodbye, than half an hour later he called and we both got in our cars and met each other half way at a local McDonalds, sat in the parking lot and talked for 3 more hours.
He asked me one day what I would do… follow my life long dream or stay for a possible true love?
I had to say goodbye and set him free while he toured the world.
You know the saying? Set him free, if he comes back he was meant to be. Or something like that.
Well, he never came back.
I could’ve fallen head over heels, I still smile when I think of him.

#4. The Semi-Retired Sales Guy (we’ll call him Kevin)

– 42yrs old
– Total mutual chemistry
– Met on a free online dating site
– Father of 2 older sons, was married for 12 years

He wined and dined me, always VIP at numerous restaurants and clubs.
Something always seemed a bit off, like he was with holding some top secret information from me.
I probably came on way too strong and my neediness at that time was pathetic. His feelings for me went from very hot to super cold seemingly over night. After a couple of months he disappeared. I became obsessive and my ‘previously cheated on PI instinct‘ kicked into overdrive and I finally tracked him down.
He acted like an a**hole and I acted like a crazy bitch.
Yeah, that ended badly.

#5. The Entertainment Guy (we’ll call him Shawn)

– 39yrs old
– Met on a free online dating site (yes, seems to be a pattern)
– Never married and no kids

Found out he was close friends with members of a very well known ‘bike club’ but not an actual member of this well known ‘bike club’. Made me kinda like him a little bit more.
Bad boy attraction. I’m so gullible hey?
Took me to a lot of concerts and shows, always VIP, made him even more attractive to me.
Liked to treat me well, I became too serious too soon, he got scared and ran after a few months.
Hmmm… am I detecting a pattern here?

#6. The Young Guy (Ray – I’ve made mention of him in previous posts)

– 26yrs old
– Total and complete mutual chemistry
– Met on a free online dating site

He keeps making appearances in my life to this day… literally, I got a text from him earlier this evening.
I still can’t put my finger on what we shared/share…when I figure it out I’ll let you know.
You can read more about our background – Play On Playa part 1 & 2.

#7. The Sales Guy (We’ll call him Wayne)

– 35 years old
– More chemistry on his part, I had equal chemistry for him when I had red wine (don’t judge)
– Met at a pub (now that’s different)
– Never married, no kids

Our story is a little more complicated and was one of my 2 longer relationships I’ve been in since my divorce.
We dated 2 separate times, first time was 6 years ago for 2yrs (on and off) and the second time was a year and a half ago for approximately a year.
Our first time around was a messed up affair involving his drinking and eventual admittance to heavy cocaine use mixed along with my dire clinginess/neediness/fear of being alone-ness.
Yeah, not a good mix-ness.
Ended badly with him being a cold hearted  a**hole, threatening to call the cops when I turned into a crazy bitch outside his door demanding the return of my precious bag of makeup. Okay, okay, looking back my reaction was just a wee bit over the top.
If that isn’t reason enough to never see someone ever again don’t ask me what the hell I was thinking actually getting back into a relationship with him again three years later!
Ummm… slightly desperate maybe?
Yep, round two. But I can explain in future posts. Really…I can!
Our second time around (2yrs ago) ended a year ago with me breaking his heart and then him refusing to speak one word to me since.

#8. The Unemployed (rich parents) Mama’s Boy (lets call him Ron)

– 34yrs old
– Met on a free online dating site
– Never married, no kids

I fell head over frickin heels for him, in a great big way.
He treated me like a princess, bought me gifts, now I’m the least materialistic person but it sure was a nice change being spoiled.
We had a 3 year relationship, on and off (mostly on but should’ve been off) with the last year of it being long distance.
Our love story turned into a tale of lies, hurt and deception on his part.
Funny enough he now lives across the country and I still get regular messages from him.
Regardless of the pain he caused I loved this guy to the moon… hmmm, anyone know of a good therapist?

Well I think that about covers it. Mostly.
Writing this list I remembered other guys I had went out with just a time or two. That I’ll save for yet another list. That will be oh so fun!

Til next time,
Laura xo

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